{"title":"All T-Shirts","description":"\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"ive-tried-nothing-and-im-all-out-of-ideas","title":"i've tried nothing and i'm all out of ideas [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003eThorough. Methodical. Completely out of options with zero steps taken. Wear it with the confidence of someone who's assessed the situation and decided it's fine.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159842484323,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159842549859,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159842615395,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159842680931,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159842746467,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159842812003,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159842877539,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159842943075,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/3-0-flat.png?v=1777706563"},{"product_id":"im-at-peace-with-the-fact-that-this-is-going-to-hurt","title":"i'm at peace with the fact that this is going to hurt [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eThe acceptance phase hit different this time. No denial, no bargaining - straight to the part where you put on a shirt and walk into it anyway.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159853363299,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159853396067,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159853428835,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159853461603,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159853494371,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159853527139,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159853559907,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159853592675,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/27-0-flat.png?v=1777707416"},{"product_id":"im-functioning-dont-ask-follow-up-questions","title":"i'm functioning. don't ask follow-up questions. [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eFunctioning is a spectrum. You're on it. That's enough for today. Further inquiry is not welcome at this time.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159855394915,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159855427683,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159855460451,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159855493219,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159855525987,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159855558755,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159855591523,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159855624291,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/6-0-flat.png?v=1777707743"},{"product_id":"somebodys-gotta-be-the-cautionary-tale","title":"somebody's gotta be the cautionary tale [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eSomebody has to do it. Might as well be you. At least you're useful.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159856345187,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159856377955,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159856410723,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159856443491,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159856476259,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159856509027,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159856541795,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159856574563,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/7-0-flat.png?v=1777707972"},{"product_id":"if-you-find-me-relatable-seek-help","title":"if you find me relatable, seek help [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eThis isn't a compliment. If any of this resonates, that's your sign. The number is out there. Use it. (Or don't. We don't judge.)\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159857033315,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159857066083,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159857098851,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159857131619,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159857164387,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159857197155,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159857229923,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159857262691,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/8-0-flat.png?v=1777708235"},{"product_id":"department-of-redundancy-department","title":"department of redundancy department [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eFor the meeting that could've been an email about the email regarding the meeting. You know where you work. You know why you bought this.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159857590371,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159857623139,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159857655907,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159857688675,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159857721443,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159857754211,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159857786979,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159857819747,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/10-0-flat.png?v=1777708623"},{"product_id":"dont-be-a-richard","title":"don't be a richard [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eFor the Richards in your life. And for you, as a reminder. You know exactly what it means. So do they.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159858049123,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159858081891,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159858114659,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159858147427,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159858180195,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159858212963,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159858245731,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159858278499,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/11-0-flat.png?v=1777708837"},{"product_id":"if-its-broken-its-probably-my-fault","title":"if it's broken, it's probably my fault [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eProbably. Could be. Almost definitely. Accountability without explanation. Apology optional.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159858835555,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159858868323,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159858901091,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159858933859,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159858966627,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159858999395,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159859032163,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159859064931,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/15-0-flat.png?v=1777709068"},{"product_id":"well-cross-that-bridge-when-it-collapses","title":"we'll cross that bridge when it collapses [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eFuture problems can wait. Present problems are already a lot. We'll deal with the bridge situation when we're standing in the rubble. Until then - fine.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159859523683,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159859556451,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159859589219,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159859621987,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159859654755,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159859687523,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159859720291,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159859753059,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/18-0-flat.png?v=1777709246"},{"product_id":"my-backup-plan-is-acceptance","title":"my backup plan is acceptance [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003ePlan A didn't work. Plan B was ambitious. This is what's left and honestly it's the most sustainable option anyway.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159860277347,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159860310115,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159860342883,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159860375651,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159860408419,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159860441187,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159860473955,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159860506723,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/20-0-flat.png?v=1777709418"},{"product_id":"this-is-a-learning-experience-i-did-not-consent-to","title":"this is a learning experience i did not consent to [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003eLife has enrolled you in another module without asking. You didn't sign up. The curriculum is brutal. There is no drop date. Take notes.\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"font-claude-response-body break-words whitespace-normal leading-[1.7]\"\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159860932707,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159860965475,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159860998243,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159861031011,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159861063779,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159861096547,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159861129315,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159861162083,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/24-0-flat.png?v=1777709577"},{"product_id":"i-cant-believe-this-is-still-my-problem","title":"i can't believe this is still my problem [PRE-ORDER]","description":"\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePRE-ORDER - Shirts start shipping 1 June 2026. Order now to secure your size!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd yet. Here it is. Still yours. Still unresolved. Still somehow your department. The audacity of this problem is genuinely impressive.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cspan\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe shirt\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cbr\u003e180gsm premium heavyweight cotton. Not the tissue-thin stuff everyone else passes off as a tee. The kind that holds its shape, doesn't go see-through after three washes, and actually feels like something when you put it on.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBlack. White vinyl text. Unisex fit - not trying to be slim, not trying to be oversized. Just fits like a shirt should.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBecause if you're going to wear something that says what you actually think, it should at least be built to last.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSizes:\u003c\/strong\u003e S - 5XL\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMade in South Africa. Ships nationwide via Pargo, Pudo, pickup or home delivery.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"deadpan","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":44159861489763,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44159861522531,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44159861555299,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44159861588067,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44159861620835,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44159861653603,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44159861686371,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":44159861719139,"sku":null,"price":500.0,"currency_code":"ZAR","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/files\/29-0-design.png?v=1777709759"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0671\/6781\/3731\/collections\/bachelor-themed-mockup-featuring-three-happy-men-wearing-bella-canvas-t-shirts-m36915.png?v=1777719358","url":"https:\/\/deadpan.co.za\/collections\/all-t-shirts.oembed","provider":"deadpan","version":"1.0","type":"link"}